By William C. Risp

“It’s all about a girl.”

“It always is.”

“Well, she isn’t just any girl.”

“They never are.”

“Hey, are you going to let me tell you about it, or are you just going to continue acting like a condescending prick?”

“Sorry, old habits are hard to break. Someday you’ll understand that son.”

“ACH, really? You can’t help it can you, being an insufferable smartass?”

“Well, I’d rather be a smartass than a dumbass any day, I always say.”

“Fine, piss off, I don’t have to tell you anyway.”

“Phhh, of course you do! You have to tell someone, and I’m the only one here. I think you’d die of internal pressure if you didn’t let it out.”

“Yeah, your probably right… so, anyway, it’s all about a girl.”

“It always I”

“Would you MIND!?”

“Sorry, sorry, old habits and all that, continue.”

“Anyway, she was something special alright, I knew from the first time I heard her voice, no from before then. I don’t know, it all

gets mixed up after few decades or so. What, no smart quip now? Figures, well then, where was I…”

“I believe it was somewhere around the part where all the little woodland creatures would hold hands and dance around her

while she sang.”

“……”

“No, no, entirely uncalled for. I can’t turn it off.”

“……”

“but I’ll try to hold it to a few well timed comedic punchlines. Surely you wouldn’t fault a fellow that? I HAVE been waiting at this bar here for a VERY long time.”

“Right… So, did you know that I fell for her before I’d even seen her? I actually asked her to marry me before we’d even MET!”

“Sounds intelligent.”

“Well, yes, but anyways I knew that here was a girl you could go a lifetime, and never find another like her.”

“How romantic.”

“……”

“Continue.”

” I won’t speak her name, not here anyway. I know it, she knows it, and God in heaven knows it, that’s why I’m here after all. Hey, hey, you’re looking a little green there, buddy.”

“Yes, well given the geographic placement of this establishment, and the nature, and status of my usual clientele, well I’d appreciate it if you’d keep talk like that to a minimum.”

“Surely you wouldn’t be referring to references to God Almighty on his throne, or anything like that.”

“Yesssss, ACH! If you don’t mind. I find it more than a little painful.”

“Mmmm, sorry, old habits, you understand? Let’s see, where was I again?”

“…A girl I believe.”

“Ah yes, but as I said, not just any girl.”